Log 5

 

Last week, I borrowed a book from the school library. This book was “How to stop breaking your own heart” written by Meggan Roxanne. The reason I chose this book is because when I saw the title of the book, I was curious about what “heartbreaking” meant in this book. At that time, I thought maybe it was about what people nowadays siad “走心.” If it was this meaning, I thought I really needed to read this book. Sometimes, I will feel heartbreaking due to people’s kidding. Although we are just playing and they don’t have that meaning, I still feel sad. As a result, I hope this book will help me break the obstacle. 

This week, I finished reading chapter one. This section mentioned that sometimes we all ignore our own needs and just to make someone else feel happy.  When I read this sentence, I felt like the author was just talking to me. Last week, I saw my friend posted a story on Instagram that said she felt bad and she was crying at the park. As soon as I saw her post, I replied to her right away and said I can accompany her if she needed. It was midnight and I was just going to bed, but I still thought I needed to help her. However, until now, she hasn’t replied to my message. That night, I waited a long time for her, even though I fell asleep, I still checked my phone and saw if she replied when I got up to go to the bathroom. I couldn’t sleep well that night. Now, I still wonder why I did that for her, maybe she didn’t need my help or she didn’t want my help. Why did I focus more on my own and sleep well? 

“That feeling of betrayal is a gentle warning from your intuition, alerting you that the choices you’re making are not in alignment with your intentions. You’re not being true to yourself and, in turn, you’re slipping into the same pattern of putting others above yourself.” This is my favorite sentence in this chapter. Now, I know that I should care more about myself. This doesn’t mean I will not help others in the future, rather, I need to see that what I do will not “hurt” myself.